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Conversations You Never Had Before Having Kids

We all understand that the stage of life after children is a drastic step. You speak, look, and act differently. One of the main complaints of people who do not have children is how often parents talk about their kids. Here are the top conversations that are had in that beautiful stage of life called parenthood.

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teacherkim

“You’re Next”

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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It sounds like a curse or a dreaded disease. People with children are always waiting to pass the buck and put someone else in the sleep deprived state of having children.

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Cartoons No one has ever heard of

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Try explaining to friends and family that your child is a Doodlebop for Halloween. This then leads into a twenty to thirty minute conversation about some alien looking creatures who are a Canadian singing group.

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How Smart Your Kid Is

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Of course we all know how much of a rarity your child is. He was walking and talking at 3 months old, was solving quadratic equations as a 2 year old and at three he is writing the next great American novel. Get over it!

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Poop

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Color, consistency, and amount. This is a conversation topic at the nicest of dinner parties when you are a parent. Why did it turn from a solid dark green to a mushy yellow?

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Reasons Why Your Clothes Are Dirty

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Your shoulders will never be the same again. Every time you turn around to look in the mirror you discover another stain or mark on your favorite outfit. Coworkers are tired of all the reasons. They get it.

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She Did The Cutest Thing

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Your talks with friends have now become a play by play of simple things that are made into epic tales of wonder and amazement. Did I tell you how she got the potty stuck on her head? So cute!

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Sore Nipples

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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The female body is set up the way it is for a purpose. Most men do not want to think of it purposeful so much as it is playful. There is an endless amount of men who are now scarred from hearing of sore nipples and natural births. You would have never talked about the nasty things your body did before you had kids, and yet now it is somehow appropriate.

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The Feasibility of Children’s Movie Plotlines

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Instead of dissecting a wonderful drama the conversation now revolves around why everyone in Shrek 2 didn’t realize it was Prince Charming. He grew up in Far Far Away. Would Fiona have known him too? Two hours of discussing Shrek as if it were the next Academy Award Winning Film can be a wake up call to any parent.

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Things You Spend Money On

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Conversations have become a constant complaining session of the cost of formula, diapers, and wipes.

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Vomit

teacherkim
on 16/11/08

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Suddenly the pre-parent conversation of “I was sick last night” has turned into all kinds of very specific and disturbing phrases such as “it got in my mouth”, “Wow it curdles in a matter of minutes”, and the personal favorite “I was holding him up to fly and I saw it coming at me”. Ewwwww

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