What not to say to a cop

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1.

"My eyes look red? Well, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

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2.

"Do you have any rolling papers?"

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3.

"Yes sir, I know why you pulled me over. You couldn't catch the car in front of me"

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4.

"Can you hold my beer?"

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5.

"If you smoked a joint, you wouldn't be so up-tight"

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6.

"So is your badge bigger than your dick?"

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7.

"No sir, she's not a prostitute, she's my girlfriend"

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8.

"I know how fast I was going, and you were definitely speeding"

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9.

"Is that your badge number, or your IQ level?"

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10.

"I swear to drunk, I'm not God officer"

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11.

"I pay your salary, and you're fired!"

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